When life hands me lemons…I make Vodka!

As a daycare provider, I have many many stories of crazy children, full moon behavior, and even a list of pet peeves. Which I’ll share eventually. But, I want to talk about the situations that take unexpected turns. Those stories that make you shake your head and wonder how the hell that person made it to 30! Or in my case, the stories that make you understand why some animals eat their young. My friend and I call these scenario’s, exersaucer conundrums.

Here’s the set up, you need to do something. Like run to the restroom, or start lunch, or clean something up, whatever it is. But, you have a child that is… a little shit… a little difficult. Yes, you know the one. THE ONE! We all have one! You know that if you turn your back on them for one second, they are climbing on something, turning something over, pulling out all the toys and dumping them out, you name it, they do it. They are the kid that makes you re-think your entire life. They are the one that you know that if something catastrophic happens their parents are the ones who would same some shit about how you don’t watch the kids close enough even though you DON’T EVER LEAVE THEM ALONE! So you have to, no YOU NEED to put them into something that will keep them safe and save other kids from what ever crazy thing they get into and out of harms way while you do what you need to do. So you put them in an empty pack n play, a highchair, or AH HA! An Exercauser! Genius! Why an exersaucer? Well because folks, it has stuff on it! Stuff they can play with while you do whatever it is you need to do. And because they are doing something and not just sitting there in an empty pack n play you feel better about locking them up! Of course because they are difficult simply putting them IN the exersaucer looks a bit like trying to staple jello to a tree.

You pick the little stinker up and as you are just about to place them flawlessly into the contraption, guiding their legs into the holes of the cover and you think “FANTASTIC” one leg goes in and you  set the rest of them down and think you are in the clear. Just to discover as you were placing them in the exersaucer they manged to pull one leg in and its now stuck underneath their little body. So you pick them up just a bit to try to get that leg out from underneath them. But these little buggers are slick. You’ve lifted them up just enough for them to wiggle that other leg out and get that one stuck underneath them at about the same time you fixed the other leg. And this goes on for a minute maybe two. Depends on if you’re more stubborn than they are and are willing to keep up the shenanigans and prevail over the battle of the exersaucer! You’ve prevailed! You finally got them in the exersaucer without the threat of cutting off the circulation in their legs from having them trapped under the weight of their tiny body. Except now you have forgotten what the hell you were going to do that you needed them in there to begin with. Screw it, I’m sitting down for a minute!

This is the life of a childcare provider. Just when we think we’ve got it, something always wiggles its way back up the hole to fuck it all up!

Stop I'm peeing

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